Series 21, episode 19

Dennis tries to make things up with Lucy, to no avail.

31 March 1998, repeated 20 December 1998, 21 November 2002, and 1 May 2003

“Do you want to be a rich self-pitying cripple?”

Dennis flashes the cash to impress his friends. To buy breakfast for everyone in the caff, that’s the least he can do. To take everyone out for a night on the town, that’s a bit more show-offy.

To buy Lucy a horse, and suggest that she come with him to Australia, that’s bizarre. And not just because they’re mutually incompatible – if Lucy’s in Australia, what use is a horse in London?

No, the problem is that Dennis is still confused. Two years ago, he was a keen sportsman, he rode a motorbike, he was a fount of devious ideas. Then he had the crash, and he’s been first angry and now confused. So much so that he still sees a future with Lucy, when she doesn’t see a future with him.

It takes an intervention from Carol of the trekking company to set him in his place, chewing him up for missing his interview. “You’re a rich cripple, and there aren’t many of those… Do you want to be a rich self-pitying cripple?” We’ve known Dennis for seven years, we can see when the cogs are turning in his brain, we can almost smell the smoke through his hair.

Preparations for the skiing trip are under way. Mr. Jones runs special fitness classes for the trippers, and they get some practice on a dry ski slope. Chris turns quite nasty when he tells Arnie not to go. Chris doesn’t ask, he doesn’t suggest, he commands and orders. Arnie is having none of it: yes, he’s been bad to Dill, but Chris has been worse, and Arnie’s entitled to do something for himself.

Kevin Jenkins is preparing to wow the ladies over there, but forgets to take his passport into school. Mrs. Jenkins drops the document in, and hears there’s an unexpected space for a woman parent as someone’s dropped out through illness. She leaves clutching a folder marked “Ski trip”. Kevin doesn’t want to hear the news – he fears that his mother is going to get too maudlin and soppy, as she’s done at every opportunity over the past few years.

There’s another gang in school, and one of them shows Judi his knife. This is not a good idea, as Judi will take it straight to Mr. Robson’s office, and twist it. “One less knife for you to worry about. If you do.” Well said.

The headmaster calls a special assembly, and says he’ll expel anyone caught with a knife at school. Judi stands up in the dining hall and says that she’ll do the same for any other knife she sees. And if that makes her a grass, so be it.

And the mouse racing continues. Mouse Spice is faster than Linford, of course, but Cracker isn’t beaten yet. Borrowing from the Gonch Gardener and Dennis Morris Book of Cute Spivvery, he sets up a mouse racing club – and enlists the help of Mr. Hankin to devise a starting gate system.

Chris Ellis wrote this week’s episodes, Paul Annett directed.

Music “If you’re getting down”, the Backstreet Boys for breakfast… “Pop looks Bach” during the skiing, it was the theme to Ski Sunday… “The riverboat song”, Ocean Colour Scene as Dennis picks up his party-goers – first line, “I see trouble up ahead”… in the club, “Closer than close”, Rosie Gaines’ summer ’97 smash… in the lobby, “Walk on by” by Gabrielle as Dennis and Lucy do their thing… back in the club, “Reach up” by Perfecto Allstarz… in the sixth-form centre, “Stand by me” from Oasis as Dennis nurses his hangover, and “Kowalski” by Primal Scream as he doesn’t do the interview… When Dennis is being chewed out, he hears “Don’t dream it’s over” and “Picture of you”; the latter’s by Boyzone, the former’s sophisticated pop associated earlier with Joanna.

Passing through Diana Larsen played the “Stable girl”, Justin Skelton (pictured) the “Shop assistant”. Gary Gee was the DJ. The gang members were Russell Rapstone, Ryan Farden, and Ashvin Luximon. Ashvin is the only one to have a significant acting career, he played Asif Malik in Eastenders 2001-3.

Series 21, episode 18

The feud between Wayne and Sean reaches boiling point as it is revealed who attacked Judi. Gemma challenges Cracker to a mouse race.

26 March 1998, repeated 13 December 1998, 20 November 2002, and 30 April 2003

“You know your problem, Alec? You’re too trusting.”

And Sean’s madcap plot finally unravels. The tipping point was when Matt confided in Gemma – off-screen, after Wayne banged his door last night. Gemma tells Alec that Matt is off sick, a lie rumbled when Sean sees him in the toilets. Judi makes it clear to Alec that she knows he’s whipped out the tape, somehow.

 

There’s a confrontation, Alec is angry, Sean says it’s all behind them, say nothing, and if ever you need a favour… But hearing this exchange is Wayne, and he prepares to take out his frustrations on Matt. Only when Judi steps in to the confrontation – still in the boys’ toilets – does Wayne back down. It’s a tremendous good-cop bad-cop routine.

Matt goes to Mr. Robson, who is quite prepared to believe that Matt is being bullied. Mr. Robson has to assure himself that Matt’s bullies aren’t Judi and Wayne, it’s only when Matt mentions how Sean has a knife that Mr. Robson seems certain.

Mr. Brisley is sent to get Sean and Alec to see Mr. Robson.

While Mr. Brisley is accompanying Alec and Sean to the head’s office, Sean bolts for it, pursued by Wayne. From the CCTV, they see Sean pull the knife on Wayne, and recap all the crimes he’s done in the past ten episodes.

Inevitably, there’s a Dramatic Chase sequence, passing through a Fourth Form mock exam, and ends up on the stage of Lauren’s play.

Given the opportunity, Judi could slash Sean with his knife. She chooses not to.

The police catch up with the kerfuffle, insist that Sean drops the knife, and cart both him and Alec off to the station.

Alec has been increasingly uneasy about this “we” business, and it becomes clear that Sean doesn’t mean it – his first statement to the police was that it’s all Alec’s idea. Sean earns a punch in the face for his claim.

Alec doesn’t crack under questioning, he just wants the opportunity to hang his ex-friend out to dry. Sean is charged, put into custody overnight, faces many years in youth prison, and that’s surely going to be the last we see of him.

Tears are not enough, but contrition is necessary.

Phew. Wayne is re-admitted to school, the police drop all the charges, and Mr. Robson makes a very public apology in front of the other Fourth Formers. “It’s all over,” he says. Judi remains silent as the camera lingers on her scar.

Matt gives his thanks to Gemma, he couldn’t have done it without her. He offers his locket; Gemma declines, but accepts a kiss on the cheek. And that, folks, is how to win your true love: by being a true and honest friend, looking out for his interests.

In other news, Chris and Dill have a brief conversation. Dill doesn’t want to get back with Arnie, or carry on with Chris. She just wants everything to be alright again, but she knows the clock cannot go back to a more innocent age.

There’s a mouse race about to happen between Gemma’s mouse Mouse Spice and Cracker’s mouse Linford. The course is up and down guttering, and Cracker tries to “borrow” the school gerbil to help his cause.

Unfortunately, the mice run off while Gemma and Cracker are showing them off. They re-emerge at Mrs. Holmes’ feet, and she stands on a stool and screeches, to protect herself against the rodents. She’s also uncomfortable around Mr. Hankin and the gerbil.

Goodness knows that we needed some comic relief this episode, and turning Mrs. Holmes into a character from Tom and Jerry keeps the tone light. And in exactly the right place: while there’s a mad knifeman loose about the school, this comic interlude shows how life goes on, and it’s not all darkness.

Music “Lucky man” by The Verve as first Alec and Sean, then Chris and Dill talk in Ray’s Caff.

Passing through

DC – asking the questions – was Anthony Askew. You might remember him as the man who got stabbed in S17e13, giving us a mighty cliffhanger with a particularly crap resolution.

PCs were Ross Morris and Jamie Sandford. None of them have significant acting careers.